4 Interpretations for Heart's "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" - 12/31/11
I don't know why, but this song has been stuck in my head and my Ipod playlist. Maybe I'm going through "the change".


Regardless, I've been thinking about the meaning behind the song. And really, there are a couple different layers to it.

1) It's about a woman who explores her femininity with an anonymous one-night stand.

KEY LYRIC:
He brought the woman out of me
So many times, easily.

This line sounds particularly interesting when I rasp it out at Karaoke.

So it's kind of a "Thelma & Louise", Geena Davis hooks up with cowboy Brad Pitt kind of thing. Great. Good for her. Later, they meet again, but she's with someone else now, but it's all good because they shared a magical night together.

...BUT...

2) She gets pregnant, and then runs into the stranger again one day, but can't leave her current man.

KEY LYRIC:
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes.

The music video makes this pretty clear, when the chick walks into the guy's place of work a few years later, toting a kid who has the same color eyes and the guy does. Then they stare at each other. A lot.

In the video, the girl cries a lot, like "Oh, I'm so sorry I let you knock me up, then never told you about it until I accidentally-on-purpose walked into your crappy job. By the way, I've got this other man now." The guy doesn't seem too pumped either, since he just lost the "You are NOT the father!" sweepstakes. But at least he seems to be off the hook for raising the kid.

...BUT...

3) It's about a woman who gets pregnant - ON PURPOSE - from a stranger, because her husband can't give her children.

KEY LYRIC:
What he couldn't give me
was the one little thing that you can.

There's also some "I am the flower, and you were the seed/we walked in the garden, and planted a tree" stuff earlier, right after their one-night rumpus, that makes it sound like the girl was hoping for this all along, since women generally can't tell if they're pregnant for at least a few days.

Ah-ha! The plot thickens. If you believe this interpretation, this is what she was after the whole time: her husband was sterile, but they wanted to have kids, so she went out fishing for some anonymous stud to help catch her a baby, and hopefully not chlamydia. Maybe the husband even knew about it. Creepy. But hey, it's cheaper than a sperm clinic!

...BUT WAIT...

4) It's about a raging nympho who goes out and humps strangers - and sometimes gets pregnant from them - all the time!

KEY LYRIC:
So we found this hotel
It was a place I knew well.

Um, why does she know this hotel so well? Does she work there? Does she have ten thousand Marriott Gold points she's been using up from business trips at this shitty motel off a rural highway? The way it sounds in the song, this isn't her first rodeo, picking up meat on the highway and having her way with them at the local lock 'n cock.

In the video, it almost looks like the guy WORKS at the hotel - or another similar one - which makes thing even more confusing. Was he walking to or from his job behind the front desk of a hotel when the girl picked him up and they went back there, because they could get a free room? Or did he like the one-night stand so much that he decided to GET A JOB at that hotel? Which makes him less like a hot manly stranger and more kinda pathetic. Or is this just the girl's MO, picking up anybody in the area, whether they work at the hotel or not, and bringing them there for a little fun? It must have been awkward when she brought another dude back there the next weekend - perhaps her future husband - and dragged her past the guy as he was totaling up receipts.

In any case, a fascinating, deep song. But all this said, there's no better interpretation than me, rocking it out in a Creed-style rendition, two octaves too low, at Chin's Karaoke Palace, near my house.

Permalink

Share!

IAWTV Awards - 12/31/11
(Actually 1/11/12, despite what the date up there says)

And so, I'm heading off to the IAWTV (International Academy of Web TV) Awards show in Vegas, airing lives at 6pm PT, Thursday, Jan 12th, on YouTube.com/IAWTVorg if you wanna watch. I head-wrote this year's show.

Maybe next year Wow, My Date Sucked will get a nomination. Until then, lots of jokes about Rebecca Black and Siri await:)

Permalink

Share!

Happier News - 12/30/11
But in cheerier news, my other grandma, now aged 92, is still alive and kicking.

Permalink

Share!

Sad News - 12/28/11
My grandmother died this morning.

Patricia Townley, who raised my amazing mother, helped build our family’s cherished cabin on Mille Lacs lake with her own hands, and was always a loving source of joy in our lives, passed away in bed three days after Christmas, at the well-lived age of 90. So I take a break from making fun of breakfast cereals and Lady Gaga to remember her.

Grandma, if they let you read silly blogs in heaven... you’ll be missed, and we love you.

Permalink

Share!

Hobbes's Chat Roulette - 12/17/11
Quick story from this summer:

I was staying with friends Genya and Dan outside of D.C. during my August travels, and we were back from the bars with nothing to do except discuss strange things. Inevitably, the topic of Chat Roulette came up, which Genya had never heard of.

"Oh, it's a fascinating exploration into human nature," I said. "Only problem is, you can't go more than a couple clicks without seeing somebody's wang."

Genya, never one to be deterred by such things, jumped on her laptop. "Oh yeah? Let's find out."

And she began clicking. A pair of girls in some dorm room somewhere. A bunch of mid-teens in hoodies in somebody's bedroom. An old guy. And old lady. Some chatted briefly, some just clicked away. Some interesting characters, but nobody that sketchy. I mean, sketchier than we were, a 30-year-old woman and two random guys casually drinking a beer in the background.

"I dunno," said Genya. "This is kind of cool and all, but nobody really stays for that long. And we've clicked like twelve people and have yet to see one of those wangs you promised me."

As she said this, she clicked to number thirteen... and there it. Filling up the entire screen, like whatever overweight dude was behind it was actually humping his webcam. Wang Central.

"Oop, and there we go," said Genya, closing her laptop. "Looks like I've once again overestimated humanity."

The philosopher Hobbes wrote that civilization was required to save humans from themselves, and that without it, people's lives would be base, brutish, and short.

Too bad Hobbes never tried Chat Roulette.

Permalink

Share!